Over the years, I have collected photos taken by myself and others. I recall as a child receiving a new camera every year or so.  Kodak Instamatics, then Polaroids. My brother had gotten into photo developing and then lost interest. I went through a similar period, using his old equipment, books, and negatives to produce photos and enlargements. Without meaningful subjects or results, I too lost interest.

Over the years the photo collection grew. Memories of people and events, nothing more. I'm fortunate to have those photos, a loose sordid history of my life. There are large gaps in that history - where neither I nor others took many photos or bothered to share. 

As the digital age ushered in with phones becoming the go-to for taking a quick photo, I became a little more interested. As those cameras improved and I took more time than just a simple point and shoot, I decided to invest a little more time in photography again.

In 2011, I took a trip to Italy with family and unsure if I would ever have the opportunity to return, brought a Panasonic Lumix - all 8 megapixels of it - on every outing we went. I hate carrying anything and yet everywhere I went, I had camera in hand. Over the course of two weeks, I would take 362 pictures. Some were just family photos, memories of the trip. But, the brunt of photos were an attempt to capture what I was seeing - trying to catch that magic.

Many images were just 'eh'. while a number captured what I was seeing. The contrast of dark and light, colors, textures. All of the photos and art I had seen over the years that evoked emotion I was seeing in what I had captured. 

I became aware that the camera was forcing me to look at the environment around me in new ways. I learned to look up, down, not just see, but really SEE the people, buildings, light, shadow, subtleties. In trying to capture that split second which made me want (need) to record it forever, it required slowing the mind and becoming completely focused on that one instant. When I rushed it, I missed the shot.

There's an aspect that forces me to suspend logic, or more importantly the inner critic, which babbles incessantly telling me not to waste my time taking a picture of that. That same voice told me to leave the camera at home, not to take pictures of the Ponte Vecchio, of the stupid pigeon.

When I ignore the inner voice and snap the picture of one pigeon in a fountain and view it for years afterwards remembering the day we explored Sienna and not only the personal memories, but the details that fade over time. And for those that have never been they see through my eyes and maybe, just maybe, it is enough incentive to want to explore for themselves.

After the trip, I had my 10 best photos printed and they remain my favorite photos. Not only are they a great reminder of the trip and everything that made me fall in love with Italy, but a reason to ignore the inner voice. Despite that, the camera ended up in the closet and although I would return to Italy two more times, that voice told me to just use my phone and a cheap digital phone. Seeing the resulting pictures provided the affirmation that the voice really was right. And photography faded from my life...

In 2016, I would return to Florence and embracing my artisitic side, purchased a newer DSLR that could utilize lenses from an old SLR I still had. I vowed to carry the camera with me everywhere and bought several photography bags to ensure that I did not stray from that goal. I would take over 1400 photos that trip and that reignited my passion for photography.

That passion has waxed and waned over the years. It's easy to be passionate about the hobby when you have such a rich subject as Italy. During daily life, it's more difficult to see something extraordinary within the ordinary. That fucking inner voice doesn't help much either. Thus, I'm still struggling with where photography fits within my artistic and professional endeavors. Someday I hope to figure it out, but in the meantime I plan to share some of my work through this blog.